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Cheating: Don't get even, be better.

By: Carmela King

Finding your partner to be cheating on you can be the worst experience you can imagine in your whole life. There are actually a hundred stories of deceit, how the cheating partner managed to cover up the affair for a long time, and the stories of cheated partners who have gotten hysterical when they found out about the affair. Movies had exploited these situations a hundred of times, from the wife going to the other girl's house to slap and humiliate her, the husband going to a night club and resorting to a prostitute's service to get even on her cheating wife, to tragic stories of murder and suicides. They were all part of the director's imagination but sometimes, we may even find ourselves in these situations when we found out that our seemingly perfect partners in life are cheating on us. Yes, it is normal to be hurt. It is part of our emotional system to find a way to release stress and so we resort on some things which we think we are out of control. But you should think of this. After all the emotional release, what will happen to you and your partner's relationship next? How can someone deal with the fact that your partner is having an affair without letting herself or himself get carried away?

First thing you can do is, yes, to recognize the pain. Don't deny yourself the fact that it can also happen to you even if you think you are the perfect couple. Allow yourself to grieve but do not wallow in despair too much as if there's no way to turn back things around. It's now time to be proactive rather than clingy or hyper emotional.

Second, give the two of you the chance to sit and talk about the situation. Yes, the pain of cheating is not an easy thing which can be handled just like that. But rather than dealing with the pain by blaming and shaming, shifting out, throwing the partner out or pretending the affair never happened, a dialogue should give you a chance to understand and probably be able to decide on options. If both sides are willing, you can even seek a mediator's help, either a professional one or a common friend. Listen to each other and try to find out why the affair had happened in the first place. There are issues that may have started even before the marriage began like psychological issues, but we are talking about those marital issues which are commonly happening on day to day basis such as the lack of quality time, communication problems, or even fading intimacy. Depending on the quality of life you two had when you were together, you should be mature and humble enough to talk about the aftermaths of an affair. After the conversation, the most important question is, will you be continuing the relationship or let your partner go away to start anew?

After the dialogue, you will get to the point that you will have to assess the path which both of you would take. Have you developed love enough to be able to give a reconciliation a chance and rebuild the lost faith and trust?

If you decide to seek help thru a third-party, make sure that you go to a neutral person who will be able to give reliable insights not just plain talking the situation. A professional counselor, a spiritual elder, a trusted mature friend, these can prove valuable to the couple and could offer insights, observations and options that the couple might not be able to see right away amid the hurt. Professional counselors would also have the scientific tools, exercises and methods with which to encourage dialogue that the couple might otherwise not have access to. As it is to any marital problems, communication is the key on this type of marital crisis. However painful it is to undergo the process of finding out the causes of why a partner chose have an extra-marital affair, it is still beneficial because it will provide you the reasons and time to re-examine the couple's expectations and motivations in marriage as well as improving an individual personal well-being.

Yes, the period of time you are trying to mend marriage and resolving conflicts is the perfect time to work on your personal strengths. If you are the offending party, be able to contribute and take efforts to save the marriage. End the affair and keep your promise while taking time to regain trust from your partner. On the other, the offended spouse can work on rebuilding her self-esteem, learning how to understand her reactions and all in all becoming a whole person in herself and an active partner in the relationship. And then do the works together. Spend a vacation together or just spend more time together. If the pain is searing back again, try to overcome it by remembering your most happy days. And then do small acts of love to each other, just the way you have been doing on the first years of your marriage. Establish intimacy slowly but surely and you might ignite the passion which may have diminished by time. By doing this, you will be gradually putting yourselves back in track of your married life.

To sum it all up, having a cheating partner is not necessarily the end of the world for a couple. It is just a matter of right attitude in dealing with it. Instead of bringing down the whole world with you in despair and thru endless wailing, take the most positive things out of this seemingly worst situation. Grasp this opportunity to strengthen your union and you should be able to stand the rest of the storms that are still to come as you journey through life together as a couple.

Italian Article Marketing Directory: http://www.articolando.com

Carmela King is a member of 000relationships.com. She has been writing articles primarily on how to attract men and how to attract women.




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